


Here Comes the Sun

by wabadabadaba



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drugs, Harry is the sun, M/M, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Yikes, Zayn is v v v sad, as always, gun - Freeform, suicide prevention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wabadabadaba/pseuds/wabadabadaba
Summary: Looking at Harry, laying in the middle of their picnic with a smile on his face, Zayn was sure the Beatles wrote Here Comes the Sun specifically for this moment and for Harry.or the one where Zayn thinks about killing himself so he calls the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and Harry talks him down.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Comments: 17
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The other night my husband and I were casually watching a movie and you know what he said to me? "You should write a fic where Zayn calls some kind of hotline and Harry answers the phone." Wasn't that so rude? So anyway, last night, we were watching Yesterday (honestly it wasn't very good) and when Here Comes the Sun started playing I told my hubby (who is definitely a Harry girl) that the Beatles wrote that song for Harry. It's undeniable and I will go to my grave thinking so.
> 
> I have been very privileged in my life that while I have struggled with mental health issues, I have never felt the need to call a suicide prevention line. I did some research and read some articles on how the calls went and I did my best. I also did my best to portray depression and anxiety and I used my own experiences to help draw inspiration. If you are struggling and need help, know that you are strong and you are not alone. 
> 
> This is a very scary time we are living in right now and I can even feel myself slipping into unhealthy tendencies because of being in isolation. If you need help or want to talk to someone, please reach out. To loved ones, friends, or even me. Here is a website you can check out if you need more resources https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
> 
> Anyway thanks to my husband for causing me the pain of imagining this fic. I hope you guys like it!

The flat was dark and quiet, except for Zayn’s choked sobs and heavy breathing. He was sitting on his bed, arms wrapped around himself as he rocked back and forth. The pressure and heaviness in Zayn’s chest was causing his breathing to be rigid and short. His mind was spiraling with thoughts of suicide and he felt numb. The spot on his thigh from where he repeatedly hit himself was red and his knuckles were sore when he moved them. Yet, he couldn’t focus on any of that. 

The bottle of pills and drugs on his bedside table was calling his name. The gun he had in his bedside table, originally purchased in case he ever had to defend himself, felt so loud in its presence of his home. Zayn’s vision was blurry as he stood up and walked to the bottle of pills on his bedside table. He rolled the bottle in his hands as memories from his youth flashed across his mind like a movie. 

The memories of yelling, the silent treatment, food hoarding, and the bruises made Zayn wince. 

“I’m not there,” he told himself shaking his head. “Things are different.”

Things were different. Zayn was older now, he had a good job at a marketing company and his Etsy shop he worked on in his spare time was really taking off. He had a few really good friends. Zayn hadn’t talked to his dad or uncle since he moved out. He was fine, really, he was doing fine. 

Until one day it was harder for Zayn to get out of bed. The sadness slowly made its way into Zayn’s mind and behaviors. He managed to go to work every day but on the weekends, he slept in well past noon. His apartment was becoming a mess; dishes were piled into the sink and he hadn’t done laundry in a while. His once previously neat bathroom was in disarray and he couldn’t remember the last time he made his bed. 

He never thought he would be this bad again. He never thought the idea of ending his sorrow would seem so appealing. Zayn dropped the bottle of pills onto his lap and ran his hand through his hair, tugging at it as he cried.

“Stop,” he cried. “Stop, stop, stop.”

Zayn thought about who would find him. If he did kill himself, who would find him? How long would it take for his body to be discovered? What if it was Liam? His best friend of five years who has only given Zayn love and attention. What if it was his sisters or his mom? He didn’t want them to find his body. 

Clumsily and shakey, Zayn grabbed his phone from his bed and googled the National Suicide Prevention Line. He moved to the bathroom so he was far away from the pills and the gun and sat down inside his tub. 

_"You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also servicing the Veterans service line. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis center in our network."_

Zayn closed his eyes as he heard the elevator music play while the phone was connected. After what felt like forever, the line was connected and a male voice was speaking to Zayn.

“Hello, my name is Harry. How can I help you this evening?”

“I want to hurt myself,” Zayn blurted out, through his tears.

“Are you close to anything that you could use to harm yourself?” 

“Not anymore,” Zayn told the man. “They are in my bedroom and I am now in my bathroom. I got away from them.”

“That’s awesome, I’m glad you were able to leave the room where the temptation was. I’m really proud of you.”

Zayn hadn’t heard anyone be proud of him in a long time and he already felt a little more reassured by the kind words. 

“Do you want to share why you want to harm yourself? Or I could tell you about the delicious fish and chips I had from this hole in the wall place a few weeks ago I keep dreaming about.”

Zayn almost smiled, almost. “Tell me about the fish and chips and then I’ll share.”

“Okay so I was out with one of my mates and we were a little intoxicated-”

Harry’s story about the fish and chips didn’t make Zayn forget about the pain or the memories but Harry’s smooth like honey voice softened the noise in Zayn’s mind. Zayn could feel himself relaxing with each word Harry said. 

“So that was the story about the best fish and chips I’ve ever had. Now it’s your turn.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Why don’t you just start with tonight, yeah? Tell me what made you call.”

“I was doing okay until it got dark. I started feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I started thinking about my childhood. The way my uncle treated me. I was the firstborn and my parents expected a lot of me of course but for the most part, they let me be me. Then my uncle moved in with us and he started criticizing me and my interests. It got to my dad too so he started in on it. I don’t remember when the abuse started, it was so gradual and yet happened so fast. So anyway I couldn’t stop thinking about that and the punishments I received. My mind kept replaying every bad thing that has ever happened to me and I couldn’t get it to stop. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough,” Zayn cried.

“Hey,” Harry’s voice was soft but firm. “It isn’t about trying hard enough. You are doing the best you can. Don’t belittle yourself like that.”

Zayn didn’t know what to say to Harry so he kept going. “I got overwhelmed and so anxious and I realized how easy it would be for me to kill myself. I still have medicine from when I broke my arm a few years back and I have a gun that I bought when I moved into this sketchy neighborhood. It would be so easy.” 

“But you called, you separated yourself and now you got to hear my wonderful story. It sounds very isolating and scary to be alone with your thoughts and access to things to harm yourself. I’m sorry you are going through that.”

For the first time all evening, Zayn was able to breathe easier. Harry’s words were comforting and breaking apart the ball in his chest. 

“I was worried about who would find me. I didn’t want my mom or sisters to find me or my best friend, Liam. I didn’t want to burden him with my body.”

“Is Liam someone you can trust?”

“Of course,” Zayn answered quickly. “He’s always been there for me.”

“I think we should make a plan for you then to make sure you stay safe, you know. Do you think you could text Liam and maybe spend the night at his place? Or maybe he could come to yours? You don’t have to tell him what you’ve told me, you can tell him you got spooked by a ghost or something.”

Zayn let out a laugh, which surprised him. “If I told him there was a ghost he wouldn’t come. He’s afraid of them. But I will text him, I know he’d want to make sure I’m okay. Hold on, I’ll put you on speaker.”

It was hard for Zayn to see the screen on his phone so he wiped at his eyes before pulling up Liam’s number to text him.

“Let’s elaborate on this plan a little bit more, yeah?” Harry’s voice filled the bathroom, echoing off the walls. “I think if you don’t need those pills anymore you should dispose of them and the gun should be removed from the home. I understand wanting a weapon to defend yourself but a bat works wonders.” 

“You say that like it’s from experience,” Zayn told Harry as he read Liam’s text. “Liam is on his way.”

“Excellent, that’s good to hear. Let’s stay on the phone until he gets there, does that sound okay?”

“Yeah, yeah it does. I was wondering,” Zayn sighed as he took Harry off speaker and put the phone to his ear again. “I was wondering if you could talk to Liam for me? I want him to know, and I’ll talk to him about the details later but I don’t want to tell him.”

“Okay, I will. Is there anything specific you want him to know?”

“I guess, I guess you can tell him I tried to hurt myself. That way he has the full picture.”

“I don’t know how close you got Zayn but from what you described, you didn’t try. You thought about it but you didn’t try. It’s important to celebrate the little things.”

“Like fish and chips,” Zayn smiled as he got up from the bathtub. 

“Exactly! Like fish and chips. I understand it is difficult to see the good in times where this is such darkness and when you have reached the bottom. There are little victories and it is important to realize those. You walked away from harm and you called to get help. That’s commendable. You’re doing great. I wish I knew your name, I feel like it would sound better.”

“Zayn. My name is Zayn.”

“Wow,” Zayn heard Harry sigh. “That’s a beautiful name. I don’t care what anyone says, I think you’re very brave.”

“Thank you, Harry. Oh, wait I hear someone knocking on my door. Hang on.”

Zayn left his bathroom and made his way to the front door, finally turning on a few lights and opened it to see Liam. He was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt and he looked positively frightened. 

“Are you okay?” Liam asked him.

Zayn shrugged as he heard Harry speak up. “I take it that is your best friend?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Why don’t you hand the phone over to him and I’ll talk to you again when I’m done?”

“Okay,” Zayn moved so Liam could enter his flat and closed the door behind him. “Harry wants to talk to you.”

Zayn handed the phone to Liam and walked away, he didn’t want to overhear what Liam was going to say to Harry. He walked to his couch and wrapped his throw blanket around him and sat down, picking at his fingernails as he watched Liam pace the entryway. 

It was strange to see Liam standing in his apartment talking to the man who talked Zayn down from suicide. Zayn couldn’t quite place his emotions; mostly he felt numb. Talking to Harry definitely helped and knowing Liam was with him now helped his loneliness. The sadness and knowing Zayn was facing an uphill battle worried him. 

“Hey, Harry wants to talk to you again.”

Zayn looked up from his fingers and accepted the phone while Liam walked away, presumably to find the pills and the gun. 

“Hey,” Zayn sighed. “How did he take it?”

“He took it okay, I mean obviously he is a little shaken up. He really cares for you, I could tell. He’s going to dispose of the pills and he is going to take the gun away from you and do something with it. We didn’t think you should know what happens to it exaclty.”

“I understand.”

“How do you feel? We can stay on the phone. Just because you have a friend there doesn’t mean this conversation has to end.”

“I feel kind of numb, I’m really tired. I’m scared. It’s one thing to admit you’re not okay and it’s another to move forward and work on it.”

“I understand. It won’t be easy you know? But you obviously have someone in your life who cares very deeply for you and is happy you got help. I’m happy too, you know. I’m happy you reached out and you are still here.”

Zayn figured Harry had to say that, he assumed it was apart of their script but it did make Zayn feel better. Especially since Harry sounded so genuine. 

“Thank you, Harry, for helping. I think I’m okay enough to end the call and talk to Liam.”

“Okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out again, okay? We’re a 24/7 call center and we will always be here for you. I’ll be thinking of you, Zayn. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Harry.”

Zayn hung up the phone and stayed sitting on the couch. He felt like he could burst into tears at any moment. When Liam walked into the living room and silently sat down and wrapped his arms around Zayn, he allowed himself to cry again. He didn’t feel as lonely as he did before and he was thankful for Liam and of course, Harry who’s smooth voice talked him off the edge. He didn’t know if Harry really was going to think of Zayn again but Zayn knew he couldn’t forget Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been months since the phone call and Zayn was finally feeling more like himself. Two months into recovery, Zayn moved back into his flat by himself. Liam kept the gun away from Zayn and bought him two baseball bats; one for the front door and one for the bedroom. Every week Zayn had an appointment with his therapist and he was taking medication to mitigate his symptoms of depression and anxiety. There were days where the sadness crept in and he had a harder time going through his routine. All in all, Zayn felt better. 

Zayn allowed Liam to drag him out of the house on Friday night to meet up with Niall at a bar close to Liam’s house. Liam and Niall indulged in quite a few drinks while at the bar but Zayn limited himself to two. It was endearing to watch Niall and Liam let loose and Zayn wondered if he could ever let loose like they were. 

After a few hours at the bar, they made their way down the street to go back to Liam’s flat when Niall suddenly stopped walking and pointed across the street.

“We have to go there!” 

Zayn looked at the building Niall was pointing and did not think it was a good idea. “Niall, I don’t actually think anything worthwhile is over there.”

“No, you don’t understand. It’s this crazy good restaurant. I had incredible fish and chips there one night. I have been craving it ever since!”

Zayn’s heart rate picked up and he looked at Liam but Liam just shrugged and followed Niall across the street. It seemed silly, Zayn thought, to feel so anxious about going to a restaurant. It probably wasn’t even the same place Harry was talking about. There are a million little restaurants in London, there was no way it was the same place. Zayn picked at his fingernails as he followed Niall and Liam into the restaurant. It was small inside; with only eight tables lining both walls, four on each side. 

Zayn could feel his fingers start to tingle and a familiar buzzing started in the bridge of his nose the longer he stood in the restaurant. Zayn could feel himself getting hot as he stood behind his friends as they ordered. He tapped the center of his chest with his fingers, a tic he developed when he was a kid. It helped him locate where he felt the most anxious in his body and focus on it. Zayn looked around the restaurant, trying to get his bearings to help him calm down. 

He looked at the art on the wall and then the clock ticking away above the door. A loud, high pitched laugh started Zayn. He looked at the table close to the door; two men were eating together. Zayn looked at the man facing him; he had long curly hair that was tied up in a messy bun on his head. He was smiling widely showing off two dimples, one deeper than the other. 

Zayn looked away quickly when they made eye contact briefly. He was positive the stranger with the beautiful hair and dimples was the most gorgeous man had ever seen. If things were different, Zayn might have even tried to say something to him. 

“Zayn, mate, it’s your turn.”

Right as Zayn was going to turn around, he caught the man looking at him. Zayn felt himself blush as he turned away and ordered fish and chips; it wasn’t the same restaurant, of course, but if it was Zayn didn’t want to miss out on the best fish and chips he could eat. After paying, he started to follow Niall and Liam to a table when he stopped in his tracks. 

“Hey! Don’t even think about trying to steal my chips. You know how much I love this shit!” 

Zayn watched as the dimpled man swatted the other man’s hand away and popped a chip in his mouth. It couldn’t be, Zayn was a little tipsy and London was huge. There was no way.

“Yes, yes I know. Ever since you had these when we all went out a few months ago, you’ve been dreaming of eating them again.”

“Harry?” 

The curly-haired man looked up at Zayn, who didn’t even realize he said the name out loud. Zayn’s mind started to spin and he felt nauseous at the thought of Harry, the man who talked him down being a few feet away from him.

“Yes, do I know you?” 

Harry was smiling at Zayn, his eyes bright green and trusting. Zayn looked to Liam then, his eyes wide as he shook his head. Zayn opened his mouth to speak but Liam stood up and put his hand on Zayn’s arm.

“Zayn, please, this isn’t a good idea.”

“But Li-” 

“I know what you’re thinking but it’s not possible and even if it was true, this isn’t a good idea. It won’t ever be what you want it to be. Why don’t you go outside and have a cigarette to calm down?”

Zayn looked at Harry again, he wasn’t smiling anymore and he looked confused, even a little concerned. 

“Zayn,” Liam spoke more sternly.

“Right, yeah. Fine.”

Zayn looked down at his feet as he walked away from Liam to go outside. He rested against the brick wall and took a cigarette out of his pocket and easily lit it. Liam was right, he was always right. There was no way it was the same person and even if it was the same Harry, what did Zayn expect the interaction to be like? Harry’s attitude on the phone call and his kind words were all a part of the job. He was hired to talk people down and to get them help. Just because Zayn could pick his voice out of a loud, hole in the wall restaurant did not mean they had any type of connection. 

“Liam, I know what you’re going to say,” Zayn sighed when he heard the door of the restaurant close. “And you’re right.”

“I’m not Liam.”

Zayn looked up from the ground and stared at Harry. He was taller than Zayn by about an inch and he was wearing a white t-shirt tucked into black pants. He was gorgeous and it was making Zayn even more anxious. 

“Zayn?” Harry asked. “I heard your friend, Liam, say your name. Is it, is it really you?”

Zayn didn’t think he could talk, he didn’t know what to say or how to act in front of Harry. He was torn between breaking down in tears and hugging Harry. 

“Wow,” Harry sighed and ran his hand over his face. “I can’t believe it’s you. You look good,” Harry smiled. “You look really good. You’re out with friends? That’s nice. I’m glad,” Harry hesitated. “I’m glad you’re here. I hope things are better.”

“They are,” Zayn’s voice came out hoarser than he intended so he cleared his throat. “I’ve been doing well. I, uh,” Zayn shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Harry shook his head. “I shouldn’t have come out here and try to talk to you. I’m probably breaking a million protocols right now. I just,” Harry sighed. “I didn’t want to leave without saying something. I could tell you recognized me, I mean you said my name and I didn’t want to leave without confirming you were right.”

Zayn nodded and wished the brick wall behind him would swallow him whole. “Your voice,” Zayn spoke up. “I don’t think I could forget your voice after something like that you know.” 

“Yeah, yeah I get it. I guess I should go back in. My friend, Louis, he gets impatient. It really is good to see you, Zayn. I’m glad things are going well.”

Zayn nodded and tried to smile. “Yeah, uh, it’s good to see you. I uh, I got the fish and chips.”

Harry grinned. “Careful, they’ll change your life.”

Harry smiled at Zayn again before going into the restaurant. Zayn slumped back against the wall and tried to calm himself down. 

“Zayn, Zayn, are you okay?” 

Zayn felt Liam’s hand on his back and allowed Liam to pull him into a hug. “I’m okay.”

“I saw him come out here but I didn’t think I had a right to stop him. Did he say anything? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, Li, I’m okay. He just said hi, really.”

“Can we please go now?” Niall asked, completely oblivious to his friend’s conversation, holding their bags of food. “I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” Zayn straightened up and dropped his cigarette before stomping it out. “Let’s go.”

Zayn wrapped his arm around Liam’s waist and began to walk away, briefly looking back into the restaurant to see Harry already looking at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry was right, the fish and chips did change Zayn’s life. The food was delicious of course, Harry was right about that too. Mostly, Zayn couldn’t stop thinking about the hole in the restaurant because all he wanted was to go back in the hopes of seeing Harry again. 

The morning after their night out, Zayn and Liam talked. Mostly Liam talked, he told Zayn his reasoning of him not wanting to talk to Harry. Liam explained the ethics and the moral complications of talking to Harry. Zayn understood Liam’s worries; there was a power dynamic at play. Harry helped Zayn in a very desperate time of need and while Zayn didn’t think Harry would ever hold it against him, he understood how that could complicate things. 

He knew he should stay away from the hole in the wall restaurant. Zayn told himself it was because the fish and chips were delicious but it was really because he wanted to try and see Harry again. He wasn’t going to ask for friendship or anything more, he just wanted to say thank you. Harry really helped him and he wanted him to know how grateful he was. 

Zayn had been back three times already and he hadn’t seen Harry any of those times. He was allowing himself one more time and if he wasn’t there, Zayn was going to give up on the idea of ever seeing him again and he was going to move on. 

Dressed in a tight sweatshirt, jeans, and vans, Zayn drove over to the restaurant and tried to calm his racing heart. When Zayn entered the restaurant, he immediately saw a head of curly brown hair. It could be anyone, Zayn told himself before walking to the counter to order. 

“Zayn?” 

Zayn let out a deep breath and turned around, smiling at the sight of Harry. He was wearing a simple black shirt and black jeans. His hair was down, cascading across his neck and shoulders. He looked more beautiful than Zayn remembered.

“I told you they would change your life, didn’t I?” Harry grinned.

“Yeah, you were right,” Zayn smiled before quickly turning back around to finish his order. 

Once he was done he faced Harry again, unsure if he should approach him or not. Harry smiled and held out his hand. 

“Come sit with me while you wait.”

Zayn nodded and sat down across from Harry. There were a million things Zayn wanted to say but he didn’t know where to start, he didn’t know if it would be too heavy. Zayn opened his mouth to say something at the same time as Harry did. Zayn’s heart fluttered at the sound of Harry’s giggle. 

“You first,” Harry smiled.

“I just,” Zayn sighed and brought his sweater sleeves over his knuckles. “I wanted to say thank you. I was going to say that when I saw you here a few weeks ago but I couldn’t talk. I had thought about all the things I would say to you if I ever got the chance but they went out the window when I saw you. Even now, I want to say more but I don’t want to burden you while you eat. So just,” Zayn finally looked up at Harry. “Thank you. I know you were doing your job and you don’t really care but,” Zayn trailed off.

“Hey,” Harry frowned. “I do care, I really do. That’s why I can only volunteer at the call center a few nights a week. I find myself caring too much. I constantly worry about the people I help so when I said it was good to see you, I meant it.”

Harry’s words cut through Zayn like ice. He was afraid he had been romanticizing Harry since the phone call. Hearing Harry say he cared too much about everyone brought Zayn back to reality. Harry wasn’t his friend, he was a volunteer and he was good at his job. That was all. 

“Well I’ll let you eat in peace, that’s all I wanted to say,” Zayn told him standing up.

“Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?” Harry asked. 

Zayn nodded and sat back down. “Of course I do.”

“I was hoping I was going to see you again,” Harry confessed. “Every time I came back here I was hoping you were going to be in here either by yourself or with your friends. I just wanted to see you again.”

The confession floated straight to Zayn’s heart; it probably wasn’t healthy how fast his heart was beating. 

“I know that’s a lot, given how we met and everything. It’s just, I could really relate to you, you know? And your voice,” Harry sighed. “I know I talk slow and everyone comments on it, that’s the main reason they let me volunteer. They said I had the perfect calming voice.”

“You do,” Zayn agreed.

“But yours, it stuck out to me. It’s so rich and,” Harry blushed and shook his head. “Anyway, that’s what I was going to say.” 

Zayn’s name was called, pulling him out of Harry’s eyes. He thanked the cashier and grabbed his bag of food before sitting back down in front of Harry.

“Do you want,” Zayn cleared his throat. “Do you want to get ice cream or something? I mean, I don’t know. That sounds kind of lame.”

“It’s not lame,” Harry smiled, reaching across the table and resting his hand on Zayn’s arm. “It’s not lame at all but I have to work tonight. Can I give you my number and we can get ice cream another time? You can text me tonight but I probably won’t respond until tomorrow. Since I’ll be at work and some nights it takes me a long time to decompress.” 

“Okay, yeah, yeah.”

Zayn pulled his phone out of his sweatshirt pocket and unlocked it before handing it to Harry. Zayn watched Harry’s large hand while he typed in his information. He was wearing a few rings and his nails were painted a light blue. Zayn thought the color was beautiful. 

“Here you go,” Harry smiled handing Zayn his phone back. “Don’t forget to text me, okay?”

“I won’t. I’ve been coming here every so often in hopes to see you too,” Zayn confessed. “So I promise, I’ll text you. I guess I should get going. Have uh, have a good night Harry.”

“Talk to you soon, Zayn.”

Zayn stood up and pushed his chair in before leaving the restaurant and getting in his car. He wanted to tell Liam what happened. He wanted to tell Liam how Harry wanted to talk to him, too. He wanted to tell Liam how cute Harry looked eating by himself and how curly his hair was and how large his hands were. Zayn could hear the lecture Liam would give him and while he understood, he didn’t want his good mood to be changed.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't written smut in a kind of long time hence why it stops before it gets good :( The next chapter picks up where this one leaves off. 
> 
> Hope everyone is doing okay.

Zayn closed his eyes as another cool breeze danced across his skin, sending a shiver down his spine in the process. He lost track of time which he often found he did when he spent time with Harry. It was difficult in the beginning of their friendship to find the rhythm of talking. When Harry volunteered at the crisis center, he worked nights and during the days he worked at a bakery. Zayn consistently worked eight am to four but his lunch break, when he could really talk to Harry, Harry was busy at the bakery. Once they found their rhythm they never stopped talking and that eventually led to them hanging out almost every weekend. 

It was a sunny afternoon on a random Sunday and Harry insisted they go to the park. Zayn much preferred being indoors, watching a movie or working on his art but Harry pouted and Zayn couldn’t resist Harry’s pretty pink lips. 

Harry brought the food and drinks so Zayn supplied the blanket and the playlist they were listening to. While Zayn was laying down, Harry sat beside him reading some of his book and nibbling on a piece of fruit. 

“Mm, you have to try this cherry.” 

Zayn didn’t want to tell Harry he didn’t exactly like the taste of cherries, instead, he opened his eyes again and propped himself up on his elbow and took the cherry from Harry’s awaiting hand. Zayn was surprised, it actually was good.

“That’s good babe,” Zayn smiled. “I don’t normally like cherries but that was good. Give me another, yeah?” 

Harry sat his book down and picked up another cherry, this time he brought it to Zayn’s lips and maintained eye contact and Zayn took it from him. Zayn sat up then and grabbed one and held it up to Harry, Harry closed his eyes and parted his lips and sucked on the tip of Zayn’s fingers gently before pulling away. Zayn felt himself flush and he couldn’t help but stare at Harry’s lips, then his neck. 

“Open your eyes,” Zayn whispered, reaching across and placing his hand on Harry’s thigh. 

Harry slowly opened his eyes and smiled at Zayn; his eyes were glossy and his smile was lazy. Zayn watched as Harry licked his lips before leaning closer to Zayn and connecting their lips. Zayn immediately kissed back and sighed into it. He imagined what it would be like to be able to kiss Harry and it was better than he could have ever imagined. Harry’s full lips were soft and his mouth tasted like cherry. It was Zayn’s new favorite taste. 

Zayn whimpered as Harry pulled away from the kiss. When he opened his eyes Harry was smiling at him while he gently caressed his cheek. 

“You’re going to get me in trouble, Zayn.”

“How so?” Zayn asked.

“You’re going to make me ravish you in this park if you keep kissing me like that.”

Zayn stared at Harry, he couldn’t believe Harry’s mouth. He smirked and kissed Harry again, nibbling on Harry’s bottom lip as he pulled away. 

“Save that for later, Styles.”

Harry sighed and laid down, his hair was all over the place and he was smiling lazily while he basked in the afternoon sun. Zayn allowed himself to look over Harry. He was wearing a floral button down shirt and yellow shorts. His dark tattoos on his arms were such a contrast to the bright colors he always wore and even his bubbly personality. Looking at Harry, laying in the middle of their picnic with a smile on his face, Zayn was sure the Beatles wrote Here Comes the Sun specifically for this moment and for Harry.

Ever since the moment Zayn first talked to Harry, he brought the sunshine into Zayn’s dark life. He broke up the monotony of Zayn’s life and brought him back to reality. He was the catalyst to get Zayn the help he needed. Zayn worried he wouldn’t be around if it weren’t for Harry. It was a thought he kept hidden in his chest. He never wanted Harry to think that Zayn only liked him because of what Harry did for Zayn. 

It was the way Harry always told terrible jokes that made himself laugh more than they made Zayn laugh. It was the way Harry texted with too many exclamation points. It was the way Harry didn’t mind when Zayn only wanted to stay in and watch a movie or read a book. It was the way Harry’s hands were big enough to hold both of Zayn’s hands in his own. It was the way Harry lit up any room he walked into and the way he took his tea with only cream. Zayn was positive Harry was an angel with the way he floated in the world, making people happy. 

Zayn moved the food and drinks out of his way so he could lay down next to Harry and soak him up and bathe in his scent. He curled himself into Harry’s side and kissed Harry’s neck. 

“Babe,” Harry whined. “Remember what I said about you getting me in trouble?” 

“Mm,” Zayn sighed. “I remember, I just don’t think I care.”

Harry whined again and turned his head to the side so he could capture Zayn’s lips in a heated kiss. Zayn brought his hand into Harry’s hair and rubbed his scalp.

“Zayn,” Harry whined. “Let’s go back to mine.” 

“Okay, yes. Please.” 

They hastily packed up their picnic and on the drive back to Harry’s flat, Zayn kept his hand firmly on Harry’s thigh. When they were inside Harry put the basket on the floor by the door and tugged Zayn into him. 

“Babe,” Zayn laughed. “We can’t leave the food in there, it’ll ruin.”

“Don’t care, want you.” 

Zayn couldn’t and wouldn’t argue with Harry about it. He let himself be pulled by Harry across the flat and into the bedroom. Harry tugged on Zayn’s shirt and slid it off his body before kissing down his neck and leaving marks all across Zayn’s chest and stomach. Zayn did his best to concentrate on unbuttoning Harry’s shirt and sliding it off of him. 

Harry moved so he could push Zayn onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He kissed the sunflower tattoo on the side of Zayn’s neck and rolled his hips into Zayn, causing him to let out a moan and tighten his grip on Harry’s hips. 

“These are my favorite,” Harry whispered, kissing the tattoo again. “Everyone always wants roses, you know? Everyone thinks they are the most romantic flower but I disagree.” 

“Babe,” Zayn whined, his fingers hooked into the waistband of Harry’s shorts. “I want you so bad.”

“So impatient,” Harry teased, nibbling at Zayn’s collarbone. “Don’t you want to know why sunflowers are my favorite?” 

Zayn bucked his hips into Harry’s. “Want your cock,” Zayn told him. 

“Fuck,” Harry moaned as he dipped his head back when Zayn kissed his Adam’s apple. 

“Let me make you feel good, then you can tell me why you love sunflowers.” 

Zayn slid his hand inside of Harry’s shorts and wrapped his fingers around Harry’s already throbbing cock. Harry gasped at the feeling and dropped his head to Zayn’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” Harry moaned as he allowed Zayn to take off his shorts and boxers.


	5. Chapter Five

Zayn genuinely wanted to know why Harry loved sunflowers but he asked Harry to explain it to him when they were coming down from their highs but Harry couldn’t talk. He was too blissed out and too tired to talk so Zayn let him fall asleep. Zayn was tired too, all he wanted was to curl into Harry’s side and fall asleep to Harry’s chest rising and falling. Instead, Zayn’s mind was racing. 

He could feel the familiar senses of anxiety prickling his skin. It started as a small ball in his chest and his fingertips started to tingle. Zayn didn’t want to lay in Harry’s bed and let it fester so he carefully climbed out of bed and threw on one of Harry’s shirts and his own boxers. He grabbed his pack of smokes from his pants and kissed Harry’s cheek before leaving the room to go out to Harry’s small balcony. 

Zayn propped his legs up on the railing and let the tobacco fill his lungs and calm his racing heart. Rationally, Zayn knew there wasn’t a reason for him to feel so anxious. He was safe in Harry’s home and he knew Harry wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Zayn felt so vulnerable opening up to Harry and letting Harry see the parts of him he hid away for so long. He hadn’t trusted anyone since becoming friends with Liam and Niall years ago. 

It was scary to trust someone again and while Zayn knew it was Harry, there were moments where he worried he was doing the wrong thing. When Zayn finally told Liam the truth about hanging out with Harry, he endured another lecture on why it was bad. Zayn knew Liam meant well, he knew Liam was only looking out for him. He couldn’t help but wonder if what Liam said was true, especially now that their relationship was brought to a new level. 

What if Harry was only with Zayn because he pitied him? What if Harry felt sorry for Zayn? What if Harry felt like he owed Zayn? 

Zayn shook his head as he moved so he could rest his elbows on his knees and rest his head in his hands. He knew he had to stop the thought from spiraling before it ruined Zayn’s mood and the wonderful afternoon he had with Harry. Harry had opened himself up, he let Zayn in and surely Harry wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t actually fancy Zayn. There was no way. And yet, the anxiety Zayn felt was making him question it and question Harry. 

Zayn stubbed out his cigarette and walked back into Harry’s flat and his room. He took off the shirt he put on and climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Harry tightly.

“Mm,” Harry whined. “You okay?”

Zayn nodded against Harry’s back. “Go back to sleep.”

“Somethings off,” Harry frowned and moved so he could face Zayn. “You feel jittery.” Harry put his hand on Zayn’s chest and frowned. “Your heart is racing, what’s going on?” 

“I’m just feeling a little anxious, it’s fine. I didn’t mean to wake up, I just wanted to hold you.”

Harry sighed and ran his hands through Zayn’s hair. “One of the reasons sunflowers are my favorite is because they are made up of thousands of tiny buds. Isn’t that incredible? It takes thousands of tiny buds to make up one beautiful flower and we are lucky enough to witness their beauty. They will turn whichever the sun is facing when they are young and growing and I think that says a lot you know? I know the sun isn’t a cure, obviously, but on my bad days, I just turn to face the sun and soak it up as much as possible. Did you know they have healing properties?” Zayn shook his head so Harry continued. “Yeah, oils from sunflowers can reduce cholesterol levels and it can be an anti-inflammatory.” 

“I don’t think I have ever met anyone who has given that much thought to their favorite flower. I didn’t know any of that.”

Harry smiled and kissed Zayn’s nose. “That’s why I don't think it’s a coincidence you have sunflowers tattooed on you. I think you are a sunflower. You are made up of all these memories and experiences and even though some of them hurt, they made you who you are today. Someone who looks for the good, and the sun. Someone who has healing properties inside them. You’re a beautiful sunflower Zayn and I never want you to forget it.”

Zayn didn’t know what to think about what Harry told him; he was surprised Harry thought so much about him. He realized in the golden sunlight, staring into Harry’s eyes that the ball in his chest wasn’t as heavy. His fingers weren’t tingling and he felt like he could breathe. 

“If I’m a sunflower, you’re my sun,” Zayn sighed. “I know how cheesy that sounds. I know you’re not perfect, I know you have bad days too. But you’re so bright, babe. You have this amazing talent of making anyone you talk to feel like they are the only person that matters. Your jokes are so bad but the way you laugh at them is so endearing. Your smile could light up any room and it always makes me feel better. Being with you makes me want to be a better person. You make me want to do better and make sure I don’t get bad again. I know that’s a lot, I know you aren’t responsible for my healing. I’m not trying to make something more of what you are, or what we are."

Zayn whimpered as Harry captured his lips in a kiss. All Zayn could focus on was Harry's hands on his side and the feeling of Harry's tongue on his. Harry moved so Zayn was laying on his back and Harry was sitting on top of him.

"Sweetheart," Harry sighed. "I know I'm not responsible for making sure you're alright and I know you don't expect me to be that person for you. You did so much work on yourself in the months between our phone call and meeting in person. I'm confident in knowing you are independent enough to take care of your own mental health. But," Harry smiled. "But I love you and I want to be there for you. I want you to know I will be there for you through it all, the good and the bad. I want to be your sun, I want to be the person you look to to feel better."

For the first time Zayn felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest from happiness instead of anxiety. He wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and connected their lips again, smiling into it Zayn couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Harry asked, pulling away.

"I'm just happy," Zayn smiled. "I love you and I'm so happy."


End file.
